Be in the first person

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I work with tweens, helping them with anxiety and apprehension. Many girls have trouble knowing who they are, what they think, what they consider important or valuable. Like reeds on the waters edge, they move which ever way the wind blows, barely rooted.

What do you see?

What do you like? 

What do you love? 

Stand firm, don’t just ground yourself, root yourself in nutritious soil. What is in the nutritious soil? 

See the world from your perspective. Don’t desire to be seen, as an exercise in seeing.

Exercise: Say, “I think…”, (not wonder what would he thinks, she thinks, they think.) If someone doesn’t treat you respectfully, or value you – do not seek their affirmation, release them from your orbit (physically and mentally).  If you are wondering, do they like me, ask – do I like them? Do I respect their values, the way they treat people, what they do in their free time? Notice your own perceptions and give them importance. How do you experience things?

Know what you think.

Exercise – start with a Pinterest board, keep it private and collect things you find compelling, beautiful, inspiring. 

Only things you have control over, do you put your attention.

Don’t look for others consensus become the subject, not the object. Creation vs. creature – people judging you. See yourself as the judge. Be self-determine.

Occupy the first person! This is what we do when we meditate. When you play the social game, that can override your won experience and judgement. Develop own game to your own taste

 

Radical Ascent

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Do not pursue what is base, otherwise you will become exactly that. Whatever you attach yourself to, you become, or since you are receiving from it, you become lower – called radical descent.

When this person descends and is attracted to unworthy goals, and finds satis­ faction in them for his soul, he is inferior to the brute animal that has no intelligence or awareness of anything superior to itself and its affairs. Man however, has a mind, and when he acts like an animal,‘*״ he is lower than it. (This is especially true in light of what we noted (in chapter 1), that “sanctify yourself even with the permissible” is a positive command­ ment by the Torah. But at the moment that man engages in physical pursuits for his satisfaction and his pleasure, he falls into total evil until he returns to the service of G-d and the study of His Torah, as explained in Tanya, (chapter 7; men- tinned above in chapter 1).

“Is it good for me, in terms of the greatness of the soul given me? Is this the pur­pose of my existence?” On the contrary; when he is urged that something looks attractive, that in itselfshould make him sus­ picious, and he ought to shun it thoroughly to avoid de­ meaning himself, G־d forbid.

When a person is attracted to bodily pleasures he demeans himself, binding himself to an inferior to receive from it, and he is lower than the un­ thinking animal; lust turns even the permissible into evil for that moment. All this is the work of the yetzer hara that makes a fool of man.  

Monumental stupidity can come in the form a person – a person who thinks only of themselves and how to satisfy themselves. 

Radically ascending means binding yourself with that which is truly life-giving and meaningful. Be careful what you attach yourself to. Think of your every action. Even if your thoughts haven’t quite caught up, aren’t as directed and Holy as you’d like, you first take action. Let the thoughts pass, name them to help yourself.

Be present (surrender and accept) and grateful for where you are. Surround yourself with people who really respect, value and love you. 

Ranking Human Pleasures – what is really good, TOV, our mission

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What is really good – tov? Humans have been gifted with responsibility that other life forms don’t have. We have the ability to elevate ourselves and be custodians to what has been given to us.

Levels – lowest to highest, what is uniquely human ranks higher

  1. If an animal would have the same pleasure it is not lofty, anything instinctive, physical, carnal (food, sex, being petted (haha), etc.). Just because it feels good or makes you “happy”, doesn’t mean it ranks high. Enjoying these types of pleasures are “gross” – “pleasure in physical and corporeal things in general, for these are simply animal pleasures. An animal is attracted to whatever it in­stinctively considers satisfying, and—oblivious of any other form of good but this—is drawn to it.” These types of pleasure become addictive to the smaller self, the animal self. “even indulgence in the per­missible, when he seeks pleasure in enjoyments and luxuries beyond the necessities of living (is not good).” Not being moderate, overindulging 

  2. Sweet voice (music?) delighting in music.    Delighting in man made things? delighting in the arts, beauty, or delighting in creating – in that state of flow,

  3.  Traits from character – doing acts of kindness in order – generic (ranks lower – natural love A lion protects her cubs.) than doing something specific for someone with purpose and intellect involved.  Also lower if this is your natural inclination, versus something you have to work at doing. When man conducts himself with, and derives pleasure from, emotional acts alone without the guid­ance of intellect, then he is similar to an animal. All of man’s emotions and traits must accord with the dictates of intellect.  Abraham’s example: This was his ultimate purpose in generosity. His generos­ity was not instinctive but purposeful, to bring mankind close to G-d by this means.

“Pleasures may be classified from inferior to superior: pleasure in delicious food and similar bodily enjoyments are the lowliest and are animalistic pleasures; delight in music; pleasure ensuing from purposeful intellectually driven emotions, ben­efiting the worthy, and when appropriate, even to the un­ deserving.”

4. Intellectual delights – comprehending a subject under study.

‘This is the finest, the truest, and the most exalted of delights (provided the idea it­ self is good and valid, for if the study is evil per re, then it would be included among those things forbidden to engage in). Man, the select of creation, should find his supreme delight in matters of the spirit, particularly in intellect. His soul ought to delight specifically in this, for this—the intellect that was given him and the “intelligent soul” that he possesses—is his unique quality above all creatures.”

Every creature in this world has a specific mission, which is its purpose. Its fulfillment is realized when it ascends to a state higher than its own.^’ The vegetable becomes assimilated in the animal; the animal becomes one with the human;“ the human is fulfilled when his spirit ascends and becomes one with the spiritual that is above him.

5. Spiritual delights – Studying the word of God – In this manner the soul of man can ascend, through binding and merging itself with the Divine wisdom.

“Supernal chochmah is the most hidden of all. It is unknown, and is not revealed” {Zohar 1:141b). This is the attribute of chochmah as it is with­ in keter, or more precisely in arich anpin, the outer dimension of keter.
The fact that the soul of man is of such sublime root should propel him to interest and occupy himself in mat­ters of the spirit and intellect.”

Nietzsche says blessed is the man who eats the lion, but not the man eaten by the lion…. eaten by our animal drives…

There is another advantage in this knowledge of the Inner Torah, and that is its effect on the person. Although this knowledge is limited to knowledge of His existence,^’ none­ theless, his mind does conceive and attain knowledge ofthe ex­ istence of the spiritual.^^ The spiritual becomes palpable, as it were, within his soul; he becomes bound up with it, attached to it, and as a result he transcends his own physical nature, and attains a state of tefmement and spirituality. This attainment is inward and personal, both within his own self and also ex­ ternally, in reference to all his interests and activities. They all become more refined and spiritual; they are not bound up with the physical at all, and they rise above awareness of self.

This is one of the most important things I have ever read. Bind yourself, it manifests both inwardly and externally – in interests and what we seek to do, how we can bring value to those around us. We must rise above our small selves – constantly examining our actions. Who/what do our words, deeds, actions serve? 

It goes without saying that his piety is not evident to another, and by no means would he consider doing something to im­press anyone.

Man, possessing an intelligent soul and a G-dly soul, must find his pleasure in Torah study; the fulfillment of every be­ ing is its elevation to a higher stage; through study of the Re­vealed Torah man unites with G-d’s wisdom and will; through study of Chasidus he binds himself with their inwardness, and becomes refined in everything.

revealed (outer) aspect and a concealed (inner) one

Mind can justify anything, Power of the mind

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The mind – the sharpest tool we have, can be used for ultimate good, ultimate evil.

No limit to what the mind can explain and rationalize away. If we are so smart, why do we do such foolish things? Rabbi Ari asks. Because of our mind, we can look at a choice, a choice of action – look at it know it’s bad, destructive – but with our mind we can say, “this is why it makes sense.” We have a the power to use the mind for destructive behavior.

Human condition – we think of our mind as an ally, but the same assets can be our greatest enemy.

Overcoming Folly – Kabbala and psychology, how to catch ourselves when we are using our minds in an unhealthy way. Origins 1903 – 5th Chabad Rebbe

Entry point through Scripture “A wellspring will go forth from the House of God and shall water the valley of Shittim” (Joel 4:18). Shittim – folly, turning away from the path truth (or rational path), or doing something foolish

“One does not commit a sin, unless the spirit of folly enters him.” VERY POWERFUL

Unhealthy behavior – not entirely emotional or instinctive, but we use thoughts to make ourselves feel comfortable with the uncomfortable.

If we were thinking with our “right” minds, with our clear minds, we wouldn’t do unhealthy things. It’s our own mental gymnastics that explains why things aren’t so bad… It’s our inclination that seduces our mind.” The logic is crooked.” Rabbi Ari

We do the contortion to make the negative, obsessive, additive behavior seem okay… the mistakes we make – spirit of folly to take over, and get off the path of rational thinking. Evil inclination, get our minds on board, we tell ourselves – just this one time with foolish justifications and rationalizations… Get past barriers with our thinking…

(etymology of crooked – cunning)

Overcoming Folly explores a number of rationalizations, stories we tell ourselves…because of this, I deserve… what we tell ourselves to get into negative situations. Understanding how our mind gets us there will  help us climb out of those thought patterns that lead us down a negative, destructive path.

Hebrew word sattan (yetzer hara – inside of us, inner voice that tries turn us away, pivot from the rational, healthy path to a negative path, it pivots once, then shames you — evil prosecuting angle/force on high) – means to turn away from the proper path.

We have to catch ourselves by thinking rationally (healthy), knowing the patterns of irrational (unhealthy) thoughts. Only then, can we redirect ourselves.

Key to that is knowing the patterns of the irrational thoughts – spirit of folly –

Bad behavior is not just emotional, but it includes thinking in an irrational way, but make ourselves believe it’s rational. The moment we think clear minded – with clarity, then pull back from the negative choices, mind is always leading the actions – mind is paving the way… so must think in non contorted way.

Being Holy – separate yourself even from what is permissible – making sure you are responding and not reacting, overdoing.

What should our focus be on, what pleasures should we be thinking about? Where should our head, heart, thoughts be…

Self control and discipline is a biblical value (Rabbi Ari’s grandfather’s story – only eating what he needed).

“Man’s intention is whatever he does should be “for the sake of Heaven.”

The beginning of indulgence into lower pleasure – desirable to the eye – looks to us good and attractive, the rest follows, do not be lead astray after your heart and your eyes – eyes see, heart desires, get excited by look, sound – not thinking clearly …first story, that looks good. Saw, interpreted, desired in the mind.

1st doorway into sin, or getting off the right path is going after something that is attractive, only because it looks good, seems good, looks attractive. 

1st folly – it’s attractive.

 

Ego, Separation, Klipah, Dualism

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“According to the Kabbalah, the theme of the soul’s journey is discarding the hard shell, the klipah, and breaking free from the ego. This process must happen. The question is, will the soul gather its own strength and choose to transcend the ego, or will the external stimuli of pain be necessary? The ego says, “It’s my life and I’m doing it my way.” Pain challenges that. It reminds us that there is a power beyond ourselves that we cannot ignore.” p. 122

Ego = dualism, separation 

Stephen explains that the term ego is loaded, too many resonances, battling everyone terms when we use it – stoics, Christians, psychologists, it means so many things and is not necessarily the perfect fit when discussing the self. When Rabbi David Aaron is talking about it, though, to me, it means separation.  I know this separation and the pain that he talks about that brought me to my knees, and which ultimately led to me transcending my “ego” and finally merging with His will.

“Ego is the illusion of having an independent self-separate from God.” pg. 124

“Pain is an alternative path, compassionately offered by God to help us transcend the ego and reach our highest goals.” or our highest selves pg 122

When we are met with pain/tribulation we have a choice as to how we respond. 

Endless Light by Rabbi David Aaron

 

 

Who are you around?

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“From good people you’ll learn good, but if you mingle with the bad, you’ll destroy a such a soul as you had.”

Musonius Rufu, Quoting Theognis of Megara, Lectures, 11.53.21-22

Geothe’s maxims: “Tell me with whom you consort, and I will tell you who you are.”

The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday & Stephen Hanselman

Mesillat Yesharim – Evil & Good Inclination – choice between self & other

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“The theory of Mussar that predominates in this commentary begins with an analysis of human consciousness, which is described as unfolding along an arc between the yetzer ha-ra and the yetzer ha-tov. These traditional terms, usually translated as “the evil inclination’ and “the good inclination,” delimit the field within which all human activities take place. However, in order to engage in a deeper exploration of wha Jewish traction might mean by these terms, we must define them differently. I would suggest that the yetzer Habra cannot be understood simple as evil in the conventional sense, based on the Rabbis’ assertion that “human beings were created with both the yetzer ha-ra and a yetzer ha-tov, and were it not for Torah the tater ha-ra would triumph over the yetzer ha-tov in all cases. Since the yetzer ha-ra is essential for normative human activities, i.e., those activities necessary to assure our survival in the world, we understand it to mean the material urge that complels us to survive in the world and to bend the forces of material nature to our will; it is the inclination to work for the self. Conversely, the yetzer ha-tov represents the equally innate inclination to please or to serve another. Thus, in every instance human beings are presented with a choice between the self (yetzer ha-ra) and the other (yetzer ha-tov).

Because the vicissitudes of everyday life can be so overwhelmingly difficult the meter ha-ra must be exercised with ever greater power and, like a muscle, its strength soon grows out of proportion to the strength of the tether ha-tov. With Mussar practice, however, we can reengage our yetzer ha-tov, our desire to sere another before ourselves, without denying the legitimacy of the yetzer ha-ra. The complex and incremental program of self-scrutiny and self-correction by which we can accomplish this is described in A Responsible Life, but is also reflected and referenced in Mesillat Yesharim. It consists of a daily heshbon, or accounting of the soul, that is conducted by reflecting on specific character traits, or midst, like order, patience, equanimity, and humility. This allows us to focus on specific interactions with other people and to evaluate our behavior in regard to them.

Mesillat Yesharim by Moses Hayyim Luzzatto

Modalities of Awakened Doing

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“The modalities of awakened doing are acceptance, enjoyment, and enthusiasm. Each one represents a certain vibrational frequency of consciousness.” pg. 295

“Not what you do, but how you do what you do determines whether you are fulfilling your destiny. And how you do what you do is determined by your state of consciousness.” pg. 294

A New Earth by Eckart Tolle

Enduring Tribulation to Live Nobly

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It is one of life’s highest rewards, a source of strength and inspiration to endure tribulation, to live nobly. The work on weekdays and the rest on the seventh day are correlated. The Sabbath is the inspirer, the other days are inspired. pg. 22

Rabbi Judah: “Life is likened unto two roads: one of fire and one of ice. “if you walk in the one you will be burned, and if in the other, you will be frozen. What shall one do? Walk in the middle.” pg. 46

The Sabbath by Abraham Joshua Heschel

 

Disconnection from the Body (Radical Wholeness)

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  • “Living in our heads, we feel separate from the body-and so we similarly feel separate from the world. We experience the world in a subject/object duality – on that estranges us from our environment and obliterates the companionship of the Present.”
  • “When we live in our heads, we experience them as the center of our intelligence.”
  • “Living in the head, we see the brain as the sole organ of our intelligence. So whatever has no brain is deemed incapable of intelligence.”
  • “When we live in the head, we feel the body as something we ‘have’.”
  • “Our disconnection from the body’s intelligence carries an implicit value judgment that it is inferior, not worth listening to, second class and incapable of worthwhile insights.”
  • “If how we relate to the body sets the stage for all other relationships, then how we relate to the world won’t fundamentally change until our relationship with the body does.”

pgs. 43-47

Radical Wholeness by Philip Shepherd